Wednesday, October 26, 2016


These are the best days of my adult life. I have journaled (offline) so much over the last three months. And I want to self-publish, and I want to read some really good books. Currently reading Alain de Botton's Status Anxiety, which I randomly found discovered in my Medium feed. It's a pretty intense and engaging read so far.

Social Angst

On publishing a post, and coming back anxiously to check for likes. You just created knowledge! No one has to validate or cheapen that with ‘likes.'

Notes on Sensitivity

You ruin your life by desensitizing yourself. We are all afraid to say too much, to feel too deeply, to let people know what they mean to us. Caring is not synonymous with crazy. Expressing to someone how special they are to you will make you vulnerable. There is no denying that. However, that is nothing to be ashamed of. There is something breathtakingly beautiful in the moments of smaller magic that occur when you strip down and are honest with those who are important to you. Let that girl know that she inspires you. Tell your mother you love her in front of your friends. Express, express, express. Open yourself up, do not harden yourself to the world, and be bold in who, and how, you love. There is courage in that.  

Bianca Sparacino, in Thought Catalog: How To Ruin Your Life (Without Even Noticing That You Are)

Thursday, October 13, 2016

Home and Away

Two weeks is a long time to be out of the gym. I'm not meticulous about the gains and things, so I'm really fine with gradually easing into my workout practice. However, what I'm not fine with is the cravings for comfort foods, sweets and junk. Those lousy high fat and carb cravings that stem from a lack of positive influence on mood, energy and stamina that you get from exercise. I went off to Nigeria late last month, and really just enjoyed some quality time with family. I had set an intention for my trip before I left, and my goal was single. Or simple. Be the instrument that holds "us" together.

It was an eventful trip, to say the least. From burying my dad, bonding with family, discovering new family members, exploring more depths of self - examining personality and behavioral differences at home here and at home there, new attitudes to old beliefs, new siblings. I remember thinking to myself, "You are Am0ge. You don't do that. That's not how you live."

How I live.

I'm out of shape with yoga, and treadmill records. Going forward, I want to be able to take my life with me wherever I go, instead of putting whatever I practise on hold till I get back.

Monday, September 19, 2016

30 Rock

So many epiphanies over the last few days. I really like this phase of life. Even as I had stumbled on some truths on Saturday, I was in teaching at my Sunday class, and out of the mouth of babes, I got validation. Pure serendipity!

The Girl and Her Chairman

My uncle wrote a biography for my dad's tribute, which I just read, and it occurred to me that my dad fought in the Nigerian Civil War and he never, not for once, shared his war stories and experience with us his children. I have a childhood memory of one monochrome picture of him lying shirtless on his chest, with a cast around his waist, and my uncle George - his half brother, stood by him. That was the closest I came. But it was my mum kept these pictures and would give us an account of his life in the military. Her version lacked detail, I doubt he gave her details too, and somewhere in my mind, I held on to Adichie's Half Of A Yellow Sun as the missing story. But one thing I remember mum always said on the topic was, "War? War is a bad thing o! Nobody prays for war." Now I ask myself why I waited for my dad to pass away before realizing I had all the time in the world to ask what his half of a yellow sun days were like. Just putting myself in his shoes for a moment, it must have made him feel miserable deep down to have a family and yet be a stranger to them. Not being able to share your self with your significant other and children must have led to thousands of internalized eruptions. Maybe that's part of why he was hardly home, even when he was not traveling for work. Quite brave to be happy on the outside, and heavy-hearted at the same time. All the time. He didn't have to walk alone. Maybe we could have worked this out, now we'll never know. With not much left to question, my gratitude goes up regardless.

The Lady and Her Chairman

Going about my activities this evening, and dancing in my room to Alowo Ma Jaiye, I bust a move exactly like my dad would in his good old days. I realize, giggle, and keep on dancing like him. I miss him. Sleep sweet Chairman.