Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Tangled thoughts and travel

Restrooms have always been cradles or incubators of inspiration and creativity since the days and discovery of Feng Shui. So yes, here I am, blogging from convenient sections of a hotel room in remote Cary, North Carolina. Cary - dry, deserted, can't find no black people, got me being starred down and feeling awkward in restaurants, can't even find a WalMart, got me searching for African food and finding counterfeit Jamaican restaurants all the way in Raleigh. But yea, I whined about my not so great experience with Caribbean food to a friend who by happenstance has his mum working in this same town where my friend and I were. I'm in Cary for one more week and my taste buds are missing out on ethnicity.

Anyway, apart from speaking of uncomfortable physical places, I'm wallowing in murky waters. I'm in a place or timeline of events that has placed me between quitting a job and grad school and the level of uncertainty I must say is high. I lambaste myself, asking what I have done with all the ideas I have had in the past. Noone gets recognised from stowing vibrant ideas away in tens and scores of notepads. I should be on plan X by now, but then since I did not try out A, I adjusted to B, made a comfort zone out of C and that changed to D. E was the next seemingly logical thing to do ... and it keeps going on. Dreams and goals to achieve at landmark periods have gone unnoticed. No risks, no jolts, knowing what to do and not doing it and yet life's time still won't stop.

I am not going to continue like this. I am not going to be held back by fear of failure or embarrassment. I have decided.

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