Monday, May 12, 2014

Delete. Don't Delete.

Estrogen.

I was looking at my 'news feed' on Instagram (I rarely use that thing) and saw one of my friend's picture of some food art came up as I scrolled down. I thought of her, and how we hadn't spoken in ages. She was one of my favorite people, great heart, don't care about a thing and guaranteed to keep you laughing. I reached for my phone in no time and gave her a ring.

We were Berkeley roommates last year, and at that time, she had this boyfriend who she adored and was almost inseparable from. His name dropped out of her lips at the slightest opportunity. Not in an annoying way, but in some cute, hopelessly way. She was my roommate and I got to meet him a couple times. From the look of things and without getting into detail, they were pretty committed, and it seemed like they were heading somewhere (the altar, in this case).

Fast forward to few weeks back when I gave her a call after a long time. It was graduation season, and I calculated she would be rounding off. We talked for hours catching up, throwing back memories and making future plans. And then I asked her about the boyfriend, teasing and referring to him as one of the fond nicknames I had heard her call him before.

We broke up.

You know how someone tries to hit you with reality and you ask them to stop joking? That was my reaction. "Girl, be serious. How is xxx?"
I still didn't get it. Not these two, it was impossible.
"I'm going to ask you one last time. How is xxx?"

This time I called him by his real name. And then a sigh followed and she narrated a sad story to me.

I scrolled back to her Instagram page and there I saw that all the pictures she had of both of them were gone. That was when I believed. And that is the part that inspired this post, far from attempting to tell private stories about people's love lives.

After the call ended, I reflected on how we (people, myself included) put out parts of our lives, and pictures, out there. When something goes awry, say we get hurt, relationships end, we take down memories from our social media accounts and struggle for a while with voices, memories in our hearts and heads. It's not necessarily wrong or bad, it's just become part of the culture these days. I don't know where I am going with this or what to do with the ending of this post, so I'll just end here. Romantic musings are clearly not for all.

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