Thursday, April 28, 2016

A lover's mouth

Do you ever think of your life's work?

If a man is called to be a street sweeper, he should sweep streets even as Michelangelo painted, or Beethoven composed music, or Shakespeare wrote poetry. He should sweep streets so well that all the hosts of heaven and earth will pause to say, ‘Here lived a great street sweeper who did his job well.’
-Martin Luther King, Jr.

I am in an existential space that has me restless, thinking and questioning. About purpose and childbirth and passions and what I ultimately want for my life. Why do people (want/have to) get married? Why do they want to have children? And by why, I'm thinking in terms of outcomes. What are their hopes? Why do we want these things?

Some three years ago, I read something from Warsan Shire way back where she was talking about the sound of your name from your lover's mouth.  She said, Give your daughters difficult names. Give your daughters names that command the full use of tongue. My name makes you want to tell me the truth. My name doesn’t allow me to trust anyone that cannot pronounce it right.” 
I loved it. 
Someone said my name the other day, and said it so badly, it made my heart ache. He was a potential lover, don't ask, and I realized for the first time that he had some type of speech impediment. I'd talked to him for almost a decade, and he called me by a nickname the whole time. And I’m not even talking of my native name, my English name was killing him. Sigh. What’s love got to do with it? Or potential. I don’t know.

Thursday, April 14, 2016

This Day, This Dress

Few hours ago, I was at work when this "Rediscover this day in Google Photos" notification popped up on my phone. I checked it out, and it just so happened that I was wearing the same dress that I wore exactly a year ago. How special! So last year, I was an honor award recipient at grad school, and today my manager tagged me "the most social cat on our team." How special! That was hilarious.

Anyway, I got back home and "re-posed" with my plaque, to make a memory for next year. Yes, lame :)

Totally, you would show off those biceps too if you could ;)

Sunday, April 10, 2016

The Problem with Multitasking

I like depth. I also like to seize opportunities and create some for myself. And this is my problem with multitasking.

"I am a finisher," was my mantra for last month, my response to all the commitments I had lined up, which gradually became a tad too many. So much that I had to reevaluate between activity and productivity. I had to answer to myself on the purpose behind some of these activities. I was multitasking like my life depended on it. I wondered why there was so much crammed into it, but now that I think about it, I get it. Just as it marks the end of a quarter, March is dedicated to Women's history. The month in itself was for superheroes and super powers, and mine came with goals that were partly made up of carry-over commitments (as a result of travel), and crammed with events and to-dos.

While they were all good, well meaning and potentially productive, I had to remember that like (my) time, my mind is a resource, and resources need to be allocated and optimized for yield. I can only spread myself so thin, stretch my mind and attention span in so many directions, before burnout symptoms start to creep in.

Losing sleep, over compensating, under performing and half assed deliveries, over promising, mental absence, physical absence, forgetfulness, disappointment, struggling to catch up, poorly calculated optimism, losing out on me/family time, emotional and physical clutter, high stress and low motivation levels.

Years ago, I read a book that had this quote, "Bite off more than you can chew, then chew it," and it stuck with me ever since. Great message, but my lesson is simple: Prioritize. Protect your calendar, and allow yourself to make a U-turn when needed.